my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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