if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
