I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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