Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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