sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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