Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
