Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
