My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
