I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
