I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
