You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
