if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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