And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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