Is it because I queefed?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
