i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
