At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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