I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
