i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
