i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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