Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are we still banned from the library?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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