Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I stole a fireplace last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
