I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
