Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
