he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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