not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
