Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
