she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
