My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
