Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
