I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
