I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
