can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
