We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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