Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
