quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
