one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
