if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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