I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
