what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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