There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
