if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
