i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
