need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
