It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
