I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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