I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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