He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
