So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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