I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
