piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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