either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
