Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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