Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
