: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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