Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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