im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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