You're so nebulous sometimes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
