The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
