She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
