I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
