I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry my hands just texted you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
