Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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