you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
