My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
