and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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