Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
