I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
