dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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