True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
