I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize
