I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
