Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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